Living Water in Me

I have been spending much time in prayer, thought, and planning for the future that lies ahead of me. A future that is sure to draw me nearer to God, closer to other people who need Him, and purify me in His suffering. I find that my fears are turning to desire, inspiration, and an overwhelming sense of 'let's go!' In the midst of the night, I found myself completely unable to sleep. Not because of anxiety, worries, or even a caffiene fix. My mind whirled with thoughts about a school that will extend the arms of Christ to the needy community. A school that will educate and empower young minds in service to God. A school, that suddenly bore a name - Living Water Christian School. I wondered where the name came from and the answer was right there with me as I was reading scriptures. The woman at the well. Jesus offers her "living water"....water that will quench all thirst, and retire the need for fetching from the well. Living Water. I realized then how God was touching the ashes of my past to ignite the fire of my future.

You see, I feel like I have had a lot in common with the woman at the well. She was seeking security, love, and fulfillment from someone or something other than God. Yet, just like that woman, my heart was open to truth. The soil of my heart has been cultivated (in my case bulldozed) for the moment my seeing eyes are laid upon a Savior. Remembering this as I lay there in the dark I knew that God has been preparing me all along for this work, for this school, for this sacrifice. Then a shadow begins to appear, the shadow of doubt and fear.

I was once controlled by fear. My decisions were based upon it, all of them. I didn't know that I was afraid. I believed that fear was to be listened to without question. Fear no longer has this power over me because now I have NOTHING to FEAR. Christ is the victor and I am on His team! So now when fear casts a shadow over my thoughts and dreams I remember that fear is an illusion, like a hologram. It is a very REAL LOOKING but nonexsistant barrier that can only be destroyed through faith and courage. Fear only has power when it is given it by those who who lack the courage to face the beast and then watch it 'vanish' like a hologram. (The hologram analogy came from a movie I saw today. It gave me a visual of fear and I am a visual learner).

Living Water Christian School, the beginning of my future. The work that God intended just for me at 'just the right time'. May living water pour abundantly through this work into the hearts, minds, bodies, and souls of each person that God draws to it. May I be given the gift of suffering, surrounded by His comfort, and held by His great loving arms. I ask you to pray for this ministry, pray for Gods providence, for guidance and fearlessness, for the children, teachers, and others who will come and be part of it. Pray that above all God may be glorified. Amen.

Facing My Giants

The meetings have ended and my time here in Honduras is coming to an end. Armed with courage, determination, and information I now must go home and Face My Giants. I am not referring to those whom I will have to look to for support, no, those are not my giants. My giants are my fears of giving up my life as it is...of sacrificing my family, friends, and a good paying job that allows me to live as I choose. Talking about doing this, surveying the country for possibilities, meeting and planning, these things were the easy part. Now the hard part begins, offering up my life to serve others and putting words into action. Awaiting God's leading, watching for His opening or closing of doors...this is where the giants lie in wait.

I am convinced that the things I have suffered in my life, the many experiences I have had, the current circumstances in which I live, and the calling of God have all come to a "Cross" road where I choose 'Walking with God' more closely and sacrificially or 'Walking with God' where it is most easy. Not that God will love me less either way....the question for ME is; How can I live closely and dependly on God everyday? If the answer is - taking the road less traveled using the equipment and preparations that God has already provided- I must take that road!

My life to this point has been mostly about "me". I have a love for the hurting, impoverished and suffering, and my solution before was only to pray for them and send a check. I am unsure now if this was more a sacrifice of love or an apeasment of my guilt. Once I have walked into the home of 2 children whose mother supports them by making tortillas on a pit in a shack with open sewer running through it....I knew that check was not all about them...it had also been about me. This kind of "in-your-face-reality" really makes you see things more clearly. The serious needs of those who have nothing - while I sit in luxury doing nothing - is no longer acceptable.

The answer God is YES, here I am, take me! Make me like Your Son who lived a life of homelessness, poverty, and sacrifice to save even His enemies. With my heart full of love (mixed with fear) I offer all that I am; in my poverty of spirit, in my brokenness of heart, and in the weaknesses that I battle everyday. I know full well that it is in weakness, brokeness, and poverty of spirit that You can be glorified. Just as the little shepard boy, David, faced his giants with faith I too will face mine girded with Your Armor. Amen ~ So be it.

Home in Honduras

It is amazing to arrive in a country that God has called you to and feel as though it is home. When I arrived here on the 23rd of July, I knew I landed someplace special. What I didn't know was that it may become my permanent home in which to serve God. How marvelous is God!

Upon arriving and meeting 16 beautiful little faces at La Casa Esperanza I realized just how much God can really accomplish through his people. It makes me more determined to use my life for service to God. I am now convinced that my calling to teach in Dallas was the preparatory stage for this. While I still feel unworthy and unprepared for what is ahead I am willing to walk this path with Jesus as my constant companion, guide, and savior. I am asking you to please pray for me to hear God's voice clearly in this calling, that I may act with wisdom, and to walk with courage, that I may go wherever he sends me. ~